We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
