Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
