hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
