I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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