I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
