this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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