he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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