what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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