I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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