I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
