He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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