I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
