im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
