i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
