Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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