One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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