My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
