i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
