Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
