This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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