I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
