why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Even my vagina gasped.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
