I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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