Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm jealous of your bromance
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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