I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
