It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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