do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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