Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
