watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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