I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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