my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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