Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
