so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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