Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
