Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
