Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The uberlube is also flammable
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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