I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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