So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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