It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
