He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
