I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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