I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
