highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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