i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can I color on your dick again?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize