that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
