I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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