Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
