But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
