Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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