I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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