Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
