I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
