idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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