he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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