Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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