Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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