Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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