Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
