Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Shame - the story of my life.
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