I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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