Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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