I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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