Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
