If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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