Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
