So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
