You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
