I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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