pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
