I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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