Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
