He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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