yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
